Grades Posted
So I had a really hard time in the last week of my school with my illness... I couldn't even get out of bed and was paranoid about the computer reading my thoughts... yes i know what a horrible time for it to happen right at the end of the class... so i received a few zero's that week and coming into the week my grades were 77% ART HISTORY, and 92% Fundamental of Design.... after that weeks and my final grades were 65% D Art History, 75% C Fundamental of Design.... I told my professors of what I was experiencing and how I was ill and if they could excuse anything but they didn't seem to care... I guess whats fair is whats fair... but not really fair for the mentally ill...
Sometimes ,,...quite frequently the birds talk to me and it seems like my subconscious is controlling everything around me the teachers say exactly what my mind says in my head... the VH1 music videos seem to sing songs that directly correlate with how Im thinking..... the tv shows are similar the text books and reading material seems to change and I feel like it is a endless battle trying to find answers when my brain is convinced I cant find them... therefore in my illness world it would be impossible to find them because everything is controlled by that little thought process that you can barley hear in the back of your head but if you listen carefully you can hear it and then match it up with what is going on...
I really thought I was going to have to take a semester off of school and try and get healthier
even when im driving I feel like the freeways change and I get lost very easily.. so now i dont drive when im feeling that way and im learning things to do in each situation like the driving one....
but school is giving me a mo break in between the last semester and this one so I'm going to really try and work on my health... goto the gym... use repellent what my doctor likes to call it positive things i say to my self when i feel like my mind is controlling everything..... and i plan to goto the beach and boogie board on high tide days...
So ya im a little stressed but who isn;t i guess...
Some days are completely normal which is really hard because I feel like i can conquer the world once again and Im superman taking four classes going to the gym going out with family then all of a sudden something happens and aI have 2-3 really horrible days where im just crying and cant get out of bed thats why school is a bit though because its not really like you can do it anytime you want .. they do have deadlines and you must be on 4 days a week and you must turn in your assignments on time...
Just a little info about me
Talk to everyone later
Love,
Steven
recent branches
Thanks for sharing - it helps me understand what you're going through and hopefully helps you a little to write about it.
I try to imagine what it would be like to go through these challenges and am so proud of the way you are working through them .. seeing a doctor, taking meds, talking about it openly - these are huge steps towards keeping you safe, healthy, and happy.
I have to admit there are many days that I'm depressed, not the same I know but what helps me is making sure I get a workout in, eating healthier, and just really taking things day by day.
Keep the posts coming - it's good to hear how you're doing (good or bad). Miss you man .. I'm starting to get pretty buff so you better work on your arms or I may just win next time we arm wrestle (ok - maybe not)
Steve-o! I'm totally proud of what you've accomplished. Of course, the Battle will always be there as the illness will never really go away. But its how you learn to cope with it that makes the difference.
I think these techniques that you've been working on with your doctor are great and as time goes on you will hopefully be able to find out which ones work for you. You've come so far (leaps and bounds) from where you have been in the past.
I want to congratulate you on another completed semester! I know it's not easy (I'm def. one that can tell you that) and yeah, it sucks that your teachers can't see through the masses and numbers actually recognizing that not all people are equal when factoring in illness and life's challenges, with all of it's unforeseeable events. Don't let that detour you from what's important.....YOU.
You've been doing great! Taking on these challenges is what you need to do to remain healthy and to find out what works well for your life. You've taken the initiative in confronting your illness head on which is something that many can not do. I know it's not always easy to stay positive when things get you down. Take pride in what you have achieved we all know it's not easy. Congratulations again!! I support you in all your endeavors and will be here for you whenever you need me. I had a really great time hanging out these past couple of weeks. Now that I'm moving closer we'll be able to get together more. Enjoy your break, we'll talk soon.
Hi Steven,
Thanks for your post. It's always good to hear from you, and we all send our love and support.
Don't worry about the classes' final grades. You learned a lot, and got something out of your efforts. Deadline-based, graded learning may just not be the best fit for you now - that's OK. There are lots of ways to learn and work. I've changed my work schedule recently, too - I think it's all about finding the right fit.
Your very insightful discription of your symptoms (June 16th, now it's June 22 - sorry I haven't checked the site for a few days) suggests you are probably having a flare up now.
Over the long term your ideas about exercise/fitness/stress reduction sound great. In the short term, the fact that you are having a burst of new symptoms, suggests that contacting your doctors can help you feel better. They may use your helpful descriptions to adjust your medications - which will help you get back to more full activities, and less discomfort.
Most of all, remember that we love you.
Hey Steven,
I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I can imagine from your description of the illness that some days it is very hard to get out of bed. You are dealing with a lot, with school and the flare up of symptoms. I would encourage you not to not put too much stock in the letter grade that you earn in a course, good or bad. You are learning, you are keeping your brain active and therefore healthy, just by trying something new. You are also becoming a scholar in your own life because of your illness. You have more insight into yourself then a lot of people twice your age. You are becoming a very wise person.
I know my depression is minor compared to what you have to deal with, but sometimes nature helps me get through my rough patches. The lack of stimulation and the sunlight seems to help, overall I find it really peaceful. Have you found anything like that? Something that takes very little effort, but helps quiet the world?
I am so proud of you and really in aw of how you keep fighting for your health. Don't give up, I am here to support you, and I love you very much.
Stay up man, don't over do it. Priority #1 is you.